Tuesday, July 31, 2007

IroNy Of LiFe

Everyday, we watch T.V. channels to find the rise of water crisis in Egypt.

The situation is increasing day by day, protests, arguments, and contradictions are daily happening by Egyptians as they reject that situation.

Even some intellectuals say that Egypt may suffer a "water starvation" soon!! Strange, isn't it?

But what makes the real irony of life is when you watch such news and then just turn the channel to find something totally opposite... Days ago, I was watching "Oprah Winferry" when she talked about a case which upset many people, it was about the death of a young woman because of water poisoning!!

What happened is that this young woman has participated in a competition in which the winner is the one who drinks the largest amount of water without going to the toilet at all. This meant that each one participating had to drink many litres of water in order to win!! :) Actually, I'm not criticizing the competetion at all, on the contrary, I like such new interesting ideas and competitions a lot.
But what I wanna deliver is that the large amount of water has proved to be very wrong and poisoning. It was toxic as her body didn't get the extra salts existing in the water out of her body!!

So... Shortage of water is a real problem.... and also "indeed" the extra drinking of water without going to the toilet is a Deadly Problem. Life is so strange, and so unpredictable... you just don't know what ur destiny is. and u just have to struggle and work hard in this life to win God's praise and reward, and to achieve whatever you want in that decieving life.

May Allah protect us all from different turn ups of Destiny

I... Need Help : )

I put my head on my pillow like everyday of my life... but this night I felt I couldn't sleep at all.

Some people say that they can't think... What if ur problem is that u think too much, you can't stop ur brain from thinking even for minutes. You hope it would shut down and get relaxed just for some time!!! Is that too much to ask for?!

C'est moi !! I spent more than an hour pretending to be asleep in order not to get my mother anxious about me. My head is just sooo full of thoughts that it can't stop functioning for a minute.
Anxiety and worry fills me, yet can't have any decisions!! I can't have a final decision about my work. And actually it's not a simple easy thing as some may think.

I remember one of my DEAREST collegues at this work has told me "Work is just like marriage. It's hard to take a decision about it, I know. But u need to take enough time to decide. Don't rush, and never decide something while u r not totally convinced with it" ... actually this collegue is seriously 1 of the people I mostly loved "as an elder brother" to me. I was taking his opinion in most of the things I did, and I totally respected him much, and felt "extremely happy" when I met his wife and 2 children and found out they were also very kind and respectable, just like him. I felt so proud and happy to get introduced to a whole nice family, and more proud to feel that Egypt has good families till now. :) ... Anyway, this person and another very kind person whom I also appreciated a lot have moved to another office. Yes, they are still in the same job, but we no more see them :'''( .

Anyway, taking this decision of settling down in work or not is making me feel not secured, not able to speak to anyone actually. What should I do? What decision shall I take?? I know it's my own choice at last... But can't anyone help me??!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Special Reply... This is MY CountRy "Egypt" :)

Someone has asked me about my country... well, that's my reply,

I'm an Egyptian Muslim girl. So my country is "Egypt" for sure :) .
A country which I adore. I love its Nile River, its breeze, its beauty all around, even its sand which I'm ready to kiss.. if I know this would make a difference to my country, and also I love it as it's known for its simple kind people.

I love it though I wasn't living in it for many years.
I love it despite every bad thing in it.
I love it though my father isn't with me in it.

But I really adore everything in it. A country that has a special charm, you can not understand what I mean by saying "charm" except when u c it urself.

A country that's seeking Freedom, real freedom of all kinds.

I know u may be saying now "What's up. Egypt has nothing to do with occupation or something!" Yes, That's true, but what I meant by "freedom" here was the freedom of expression, of saying ur opinion freely, the freedom from corruption spreading all around the country... I don't think I 'd like to talk more about it, as I'm not a politician at aaaaaaall : )

And certainly I'm not a patriot as well... I'm just someone who loves her country, .. and wish her the best always.

Hope u got what I wanted to say.

N.B. : ĶỄ͆ҺĔŗŽ , I know nothing at all about u. What about u? where r u from?? :D

Friday, July 27, 2007

Searching 4 myself...

Today, I opened my computer full of billions of ideas inside my mind... I intended to write in more than an issue.. mmm........ but after I logged into this blog, I felt I'm not able to write anything.

I thought about searching around in other blogs... Blogs I knew& even other new ones. I didn't think about it for stealing ideas, but rather to let such writters and bloggers move my feelings and inspiration . "Hey just give me ideas to move on, to express myself more!" That's what I felt.

I 've been there for more than an hour, not able to write a word. I read many blogs, liked some, and surely didn't like others. But anyway No one can say about any of them "trivial", coz at last this is their space to express their own feelings and opinions, to just say whatever is going on their minds, and FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION is a right for everyone. None can controll or limit our thinking and beliefs... WHOEVER IT WAS.

While reading blogs, I admired a lot. I liked the style of writting, and the character of the blogger himself. Interacted and was moved by many of them... Some made me smile, even some made me laugh :) either out of irony or the funny stories he said... One of them made me feel sad, and it made me cry... It was the blog of someone I really appreciate and respect a lot, someone of a brilliant character and way of thinking "at least that's my own opinion about him" though I don't know him personally "I just had a call with him more than once, and keep on reading his blog". He told a sad story that happened to him, a bitter story... that had reached the bottom of my heart, and I felt that the sharpest knife has stabbed me while reading his story... But actually made me respect him more and more.

mmm... anyway, I feel .. no, I don't just feel, I actually know .. that I'm writing nonesense right nw :) . I'm sure whoever will read this will say the same... but "Wallahiiiiii" I intended to write something totally different at first.

Don't know why I'm writing this!! I'm not even sure if I'll save it... I may erase this post after all... but anyway I hope writing this NONESENSE will make me feel better& more relieved.

Don't know what 2 say... I'm still searching for words, searching for something to say, searching for what I really feel,.... Guess I'm still searching for myself in the darkness!

Monday, July 23, 2007

When it's dark enough, you can clearly see the stars...

A beautiful tender quote which was said by "Charles A Beard", I dedicate it to anyone who feels sad or dissapointed in this life for any reason... Surely I first dedicate it for myself :) . Waiting to see the bright sunlight again rising all around my life.

I also dedicate this quote to my beloved Country... Soon my beloved, the daylight would be bright, and happiness and freedom will be overwhelming ... coz every cloud has a silver lining at last.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Feelings : (

Strange Feelings pass by everyday...
Feelings that I can not walk& leave them stay...
In the middle of nowhere, I don't care...
How can I let these feelings go away??!

Why all the doors are locked in my face...
Why do I feel I'm lonely in space...
And all the people are in a race...
Nobody can hear my blares...
No one at all.. in this whole universe...

Drowning in the deep sea of loneliness...
Don't know if I may one day find the shore
Falling from the highest mountain...
Wishing to reach the land... even if this means getting hurt
Just find a way out.. whatever it was

Feeling lonely, though I have many around me...
Feeling lonely, even when I'm with my beloved people..
Need to talk.. But can't breathe..
Need to say.. I'm in need..
But none hears me, though I plead..
My words are only inside me...
I can hear its echo...
But no one else can.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Crazy Laughter ! ! !

Today was one of the strange memorable days in my life...

Strange kinds of laughter emerged today morning... I feel now really crazy :) .

The first kind of LAUGHTER today was the "Laughter of Fear" actually... Crazy laughter in fact started from the early morning of today, when I woke up late, which is something I'm unusual to, and I was a bit late for my work, and it's also something I'm not used to at all... So I was angry& started to do everything quickly& went down to find no taxis at all for a few minutes that I was quite certain "I am" late now for work... Anyway, I finally found a taxi after standing in the sun for minutes, surely "very happy" :( from the workers standing infront of me and all staring as if they see Miss Universe. That's quite dull that whenever any girl "or even woman" passes by them, she should be well certain that she didn't miss a single spear from their eyes... they all just stare at you with total "habala & 3abata", you don't know what they are thinking about. May be they are all blank empty- minded. Who knows!!!
Anyway, I finally found the taxi& stopped him, when I asked him about the place, he shook his head and raised his eyebrows, so I got it :P Of course he didn't hear me. so I repeated again when he told me, "Hey, lady. I heard from the first time, just get in please.". So I smiled and got into the taxi.
As soon as I did it, he started saying, "I really heard you from the first time, and anyway, even if I didn't really hear u. how can I miss such beauty in the street?" "Ha Ha Ha, funny." That's what really came to my mind at that moment, but I told him "thanks", he repaeted again, so I said, "ok. thank you. May Allah honour you always". But... he kept on repaeting this "silly" chat saying "You really enlightened the whole car. How can I let u get out of it afterwards... Oh! ur destination is very near, can't I have another round with the taxi then u "unfortunately" get down??.... " and so on...

Someone would ask... ok. why didn't u get out of the car? Actually there were more than a problem for me, first, I was toooooo late. :( . and secondly, this was an old man... so I wasn't seriously concentrating whether he's serious or not. whether he's just trying to scare me, or just having fun at a summer morning, just like anyone else. And the third reason... which is the most important... mmm... I definitely don't know why I didn't take such step& leave the taxi!!!

Anyway, the whole way I was thinking about leaving the taxi, but I didn't, and I kept on smiling :( out of fear of course, and neglecting his words some other times as if i don't hear him... but neither of such ways were good for me. All the way I had this rediculous smile drawn on my face, and sometimes laughter out of fear. Thanks God anyway I was putting on the sunglasses, or else he would have had discovered all this GREAT SUM OF TERRIFIED FEELINGS appearing on my eyes :) This was the first chapter of my day's story.

The other one was a more joyful kind of laughter for me. It was the "Hysterical Laughter". Today in the work, I had more than a task to do, but whenever I try to call anyone or finish a task, i just fail. More than once the internet connection was cut, and even whenever I call someone, I either find him busy, or not responding at all. So I chatted with one of my friends while trying to succeed in achieving anything in work.

Anyway, this is one of my dearest friends ever, we chatted for a very short time and then we had a fight :( I don't know why actually was that. I really love her a lot, but anyway that's what happened, so I got sad and kept on being calm for a short time. THEN... I totally turned to the opposite state!!! I kept on talking and talking to my friend in work, laughing LOUD, and without any reason most of the time. I even jumped while talking to my college more than once :) and surely... was almost crazy.
Laughtter is a really very COOL INTERESTING state when it comes to u after a period of SADNESS. But it was total MADNESS. I continued on that crazy fun mood for a loooong time. We even had a mission to do with some other male colleges, whom I haven't seen for a few days, and I got out of my office to meet them in that mood. While waiting for them, Craziness even got worse and worse and I kept on laughing loud and saying total nonesence, to the extent that my college shared me laughing a lot as if it was a real LAUGHTER DISEASE. :D It was a strange day full of strange incidents for me. Yes, at the end, I felt sad again when I returned home and thought about the humilation I felt while sitting in the taxi though he didn't embarress me, or say bad words, but it's a feeling of humilation as you feel that's the class of people u "have to" deal with. If not in taxis, it would be in microbuses "wal3eyath bellah".. and if u have a car.... you would also "have to" deal with their stupidity, immorality in most cases, and even weirdness sometimes. And also felt sad for making my friend sad. I 'll try to reach her of course as soon as I can.

But as a conclusion of the whole day... I guess it's quite fun& healthy to have a different day out of the daily routine, even if this difference meant only the change in mood.... or in other words,.. meant Toal Craziness :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The other job... "which I'm in during these days" is quite an interesting job... more than anyone can imagine. And it's not only related to journalism stuff, and talking to new people and having different points of view about many issues in our society, and also outside it, the thrill and excitement even goes far beyond these things, when it comes to "meeting" new people as journalists or intellectuals. ( Actually it's something I haven't yet experienced in the real life till now, but I hope I can do it... don't even know how coz I'm contradicted in thought concerning this issue :( . I wish to do it a lot... meeting new people "specially if they were foreigners" and having a general chat about a certain issue, or trying to convince them with your point of view... this is something that certainly affects much the communication, negotiation, and language skills for anyone, besides encouraging you to read more and more, and be an intellectual knowledgeable person.
About intellectuals :), more than a person affected me much during the short period I had in this job, or at least, made me feel quite proud to talk to them and happy to know their points of view about different issues... One of these people whom I liked most was Mr. Hossam Al-Hamalawy, I was so convinced with every single word he said, though I actually differ with him in some of his beliefs. He also proved to be a gentle man in his way of talking, and his way of talking was full of reasoning to the extent that I wished to talk to him again about other issues to know what he thinks about them as well. :) Having a phone interview with him was after ... about 40 days of working in that new place.
Another person "I'm really very very proud to talk to" was Mr. Abdel-Halim Kandil from Kefaya. Also a very gentle man who knows what he's talking about, knows exactly his aim and mission in this country. He really proved "in my opinion at least" his great love to the country, made me feel while talking to him that I also should have a bigger role& mission towards my great beloved country, which I sincerely love... and feel great pain and sorrow, like any other faithful Egyptian, for the current state of the country.

Not talking about a certain field, not talking only about the corruption and human rights violations all around the country, but I'm talking about... even much simpler things that people don't notice with the rough tide of all such circumstances happening around. . . You know... in the past, people from all around the world used to visit Egypt and then... some of them complain from the awful traffic in Egypt :) (and they have a total right to do), some others complain from the dirts and garbbage, standing along beside people in different streets, dead silent garbages which are increasing continuosly... that you fear one day you would wake up to find the mountain of garbage just beside your home window "you know, just saying Hello to you".Other MANY people complained from beggars and their comprehensive existence in the Egyptian streets. If you're living in Egypt, or even lived there for 2 months at least, you may memorize the beggars in your zone :) with their faces, their way of talking, their "children" collecting money with them secretly :P , and even their needs and prayers they say whenever they see someone.
About beggars, I remember a situation I met just a few days ago, when I was buying something, and then I found a poor woman sitting down on the street, so I gave her some money, put my hand on her shoulder, and I smiled to her. Then I left... that's it. 2 days later, I went to buy something from the same place, and when I was leaving it, I saw the woman just the same as the previous time, and she was begining to ask "in her usual daily used sad& bitter tone" for money, but as soon as her eyes met mine, she laughed and told me in a total different tone, "Is that you again?" and just smiled and looked infront of her... :) I guess there's no comment. That's something we got used to in Egypt. It's a job for them, and actually quite a successful job, no doubt about it. Beggars in Egypt represent a separate class, beside the existing poor class, Berocratic class, and "the named" middle-class which no more exist in the real life.

Let's return to the most thing which makes my heart torn into pieces in Egypt... People from around the world may complain from many things in Egypt, but what they always praised and admired a lot about this beautiful country was its people... kind, simple, very helpful Egyptians. Real brave men who dare to face anyone to help someone seeking help. A beautiful society who always co-operated whenever something happened or someone was crying for help. mmm.... such things, Do they still exist??! Surely there are still good people coz virtue never dies in the whole society, but actually corruption and terribleness even reached people's morals a lot. You no more find people who would help you if you needed help in the street, or be patient if your car broke down in the middle of the street and you can not turn it on quickly, or... I don't know. there are many examples actually. But that's something which makes me feel terribly sad when I think about. The ongoing deterioration of the Egyptian morals, and the absence of co-operation and honesty which have "always" been a distinguished quality the Egyptian people are known for.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Which ONE ??!

What can you do when you feel you're overwhelmed with thoughts??
When you feel you no more can make real decisions in your life??

One of the thoughts I have a lot these days is about my career... I know it's really not a big deal for many, or at least "NOT THAT BIG DEAL, MISSIE.". But actually I think about it daily, and I can not have a final decision in it...

Which one would you choose to continue your career in??! The one you liked most... Teaching kids. A thing that I fully liked, and even adored, and never felt I can live without such kids anytime afterwards?? Or the other interesting one? where you deal with very kind, honourable, and understanding people? ( or at least most of them :) ).

I adore teaching a lot, fond of dealing with children. Thanks to Allah, I can understand them and their characters easily. I'm also very childish :) ... that's frankly one of the most important reasons behind the childen's and kids' love to me, I guess.

One of the memories I never forget, and I don't think I'll ever forget... or I may rather call it "One of the Happiest happiest Moments in my Life" was when I step my first step inside the school everyday. ... Suddenly you find a bunch of children running& coming together towards me to meet me as soon as they see me :) .These were the children I teach. So when I see them running towards me, I kneel down, and we all have a REALLY big hug. These are seriously one of the best moments anyone would like to have and feel. .. And the best of it was that such act wasn't done to all of the teachers. it was just a special "hello" from the tiny innocent children to me and a few of the other teachers they loved.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Simple Words that Caught My Eye...

I was doing a search on a certain subject... when I found these great notes. I wanted to use it on my Blog, may be one day someone would change, or at least "be effected" by such nice, simple, and inspiring words...

Sometimes in life the unthinkable happens. Something that brings you much pain and changes your life. Some sorrows can be emotionally debilitating and wear on you.
It is in those times you have to pray for the strength and courage to continue. Sadness and depression can overwhelm you. Leave you feeling empty and alone.
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel sadness during times of suffering. It will make you question your reason for living, but God put you here for a reason. Don’t doubt that.
Do not allow yourself to fall too low into that sadness, to the point it overwhelms you and makes you feel like you can’t go on. God is there to help you.

It surely affected me... and made me rethink again...
May be these words are a real message from God to me, to make me wake up, and try to face the truths in life!!

These were the notes which came to my mind right now. I'll write soon again to let go all my concerns and feel quite free in thought again.

Friday, July 6, 2007

My First ...

Actually... I'm not sure if anyone is gonna read this, I'm even not sure if someone is gonna understand it..... All I know is that in the past, I used to write freely and randomly, i was able to write whatever I want, write everything that is inside me.

But now... I feel quite a strange feeling, I'm not able to express myself at all. I feel I can't speak up with anyone, even my close friends. Sometimes we all meet and I have plans to talk about my day dreams, my fears, and everything that bothers me, but once we meet... I can't utter a word. I really don't know what to say to them.

You know when you feel very depressed and all the feelings inside you are mixed together?? You actually don't know what's wrong with you. You just watch the wheel of life spinning till you discover what's the obstacle you're facing. Sometimes it's really tiny a problem, but it just makes your whole mind thinking about it day& night till you feel you can not get it right, and you can never solve it.
Till now, I don't know what's the solution actually for such strange thoughts I have nowadays, but I thought about "trying" to write what I feel in that blog... Hope I can do it. for whenever I try to whisper to my pencil about my thoughts, it rejects, and stops me from writing.

Anyway... I'll try to squeeze my thoughts till i get out of such dilemma.